So I tried with the RBD way and created my own constraints outside of DOPs and created a constraint network with a SoftAttach Constraint Relationship connected so I could set the strength on the primitives as I would like. The constraints show up in the viewport and seem to be connected correctly to the points they will affect. It also simulates without errors and updates the guides visualization for the constraints but they don't affect the FEM Objects.
I read in the documents that the constraint network is only supported by the bullet and wire solver so I'm guessing this is the wrong way to do it.
So is there any other way to set the constraint strength for FEM per point or is it not possible at the moment?