So that happens, how can I delete the engine or disable it from starting up?

You can edit the pluginPrefs.mel file in your prefs directory and remove the line that autoloads houdiniEngine. This will at least get Maya up and running.

Of course, that only helps if you have autoload on and plugin conflicts - see below. I've had encountered times when crashing out of houdiniEngine in Maya seems to leave my prefs in a bad state and then crashes more or less frequently on startup. Sometimes there is a maya process left hanging on the crash logger, in which case I kill it. If not, I unset my MAYA_MODULE_PATH, start up and exit maya to get it to resave prefs and then reset my MAYA_MODULE_PATH. Don't know if either of these is the issue you're encountering, but next time it happens to me I will see if there is a specific problem with the prefs.

As for the crash itself, the most common crashes are:

QT5 related conflicts:
The Houdini module file needs to be copied into the Maya modules directory.
e.g. houdiniEngine-maya2016 into C:\Program Files\Autodesk\Maya2018\modules

OR - if you can't modify your Maya cut
set your MAYA_MODULE_PATH environment variable to point at the modules file
inside your Houdini cut

QT5 vs QT4 conflicts
you may need to use the QT4 cut of houdini

Other library conflicts:
You may need to run houdiniEngine out of process if you are getting conflicts with other Maya plugins
See the houdini preferences on the Houdini Engine menu to either auto start houdiniEngine in another process, or connect to an existing HARS process.